Marital Relations in the Right Household

Tell me, guys. Has this ever happened to you?

For some reason, I can't quite remember why, I decided to have a very profound conversation with Mrs. Right last night. It involved our relationship and women really like that, don't they?

So I said to my wife..."Honey, do you remember a long time ago when I said I would never have sexual relations with another woman?"

She eyed my warily, then said..."Yes, I do. What is it now?"

"Well" says I, "I'm not confessing to anything, you understand, but if I ever did cheat on you, it wouldn't be because I don't love you. I promise you that if that should ever happen, I would not have fallen in love with the other woman. I would love, and do love, only you!"

Now that I had made my case-quite romantically I thought-I reached out to hold her hand and kiss her.

And she slapped me on my right cheek. Hard!

"What the...!!" I sputtered.

Then she slapped me on my left cheek. Harder!

I must confess I teared up a bit, but only shouted out reproachfully, "Sweetie! Why!?"

"Oh, did that hurt?" she asked. "It shouldn't have. After all, I did it out of my deep love for you."

Well, I was going to say something really hurtful that would really show her all I was trying to do was show my deep love for HER. Why couldn't she understand that?

Then I remembered something that I guess I had tried to bury deep within my memory. It was about 10 years ago. Something was in the news. You may remember.

She asked me then, just in passing or so it seemed "How's that new college intern in your office working out?"

I took a couple of seconds to think about it. Gee, why this question and why now? I told her that the intern was working out pretty good, but needed a lot of personal mentoring and that I had to spend a LOT of time with her. That's why I was so late coming home last evening.

Mrs. Right gave me THAT LOOK (you married guys know what I mean, right?) so I quickly said "Now, darling, you know I would never cheat on you. I promise you that I have never had sexual relations with that woman. Not once. Now, can I get on about the business of running the country...I mean, running my office!)

That's when she kicked me. In the Right family jewels, so to speak. Well, let's just say that the whole episode was very painful. In more ways than one.

So, remembering that day, I decided last night to let the whole thing drop. "Honey" says I, "I apologize." Very magnanimous of me, if I do say so myself.

Besides, I still have one testicle left. I'd surely miss it if it was gone.

(Thanks for Micky Kaus for following the Edwards story when no one else did.)