Just trying to help out a friend, officer.

Yep, we have prostitution in these parts, pilgrim. Just like in the big cities, bub.

But sometimes I think we're just like the off-off-off broadway tryouts for a new comedy play.

Cases in point...

Allen Ray Williams told his wife he was going to Home Depot. Instead, he went to the Marion County Jail.

Williams, 37, was arrested on a charge of soliciting prostitution Thursday in a reverse sting operation that also netted four other people.

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In Thursday’s “Reverse John” operation, Williams told agents all he did was stop and ask “a stupid question.” He said it was his first prostitution arrest.

“I did something stupid, and now I’m going to lose my wife and kids,” Williams said.

His wife, who didn’t want to be identified, told her husband when she showed up on scene, “Consider yourself divorced.”

Not very understanding of her.

But my favorite is...

But perhaps the oddest arrest was that of Armondo “Mondo” Brown and his friend Zella Nease Meaders.

Meaders told officials that Brown had not had sex in quite some time and she wanted to make sure his needs were met. She reportedly drove home, picked up Brown, who was drinking, and took him by the Golden Spur Motel where two women were hanging out by the corner.

Meaders said she gave the women $10 each and a bottle of Russian bottle.

What the two friends didn’t know was that the women were undercover law enforcement officials.

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Meaders told officials she felt bad for the prostitutes and wanted to get them off the street for 30 minutes because she used to do what they do.

She was charged with driving while license is suspended or revoked and solicitation of a prostitute.

Of course, if a playwright were to write something like this, he would be kicked out of publisher offices pretty damn quick.

Well, maybe not if the publisher was in my town.